Stop monsters who salute… with a high five

What do Hitler, Mussolini, Saddam, Mugabe, and other bad dicks have in common? They all like a stiff armed salute. Donald Trump seems to be playing with them at the minute, which is obviously worrying.

However, these can easily be stopped.

See, I have a theory that these people were left hanging on a High-Five at some point in their life. Their hand, hanging there and turning flaccid, eventually becomes rigid with rage, and soon, they show everyone the high-five they once ignored.

“See? Look at this hand! Not laughing now, are you?”

Like many misogynists showing their anger at the world, unable to let go of the fact they were once unlovable and unshaggable, and those that can’t dance moaning about people taking selfies in nightclubs, the despotic lunatic was made to feel uncool by the hip kids, and that seed of frustration at being left hanging on a high-five turns into resentment for mankind.

They rant and rant, until other uncool people start to listen to them. Together, they shout about the enemies of the world, which tend to be high-fiving liberals, women, foreign people, and anyone else they either don’t understand or were rejected by. They feel bullied, and end up like internet trolls, using their way with words and persuasiveness, turning into bullies themselves.

However, that feeling of victimisation won’t go away. They get an audience and, while they’re venting bile, the right hand starts to go up, and the arm starts to stiffen. They’re getting people to pledge allegiance with them. We’re the real victims here, the ones who weren’t allowed into the cool kids frat/tree houses. And up the arm goes, still hanging on a high-five.

So, if you want to stop some of history’s greatest monsters being created, all you need to do is keep your wits about you and, when you see someone who has been left hanging on a high-five outside a pub or a shop, or wherever, go and fulfil it. Go and slap their hand and go about your business, knowing that you’ve either stopped the next Hitler from being created or, that in the future, there might be a really embarrassing photo of you high-fiving someone who ends up an evil monster anyway.

Do your bit.